Communication solves problems. The lack of communication allows problems to linger, fester, and grow. What current problems, situations, aggravations, irritations, difficulties, roadblocks, and limitations holding you back that could possibly be resolved by a conversation?
Why do people avoid conversations that could resolve problems? Fear, ego, stubbornness, pride, and discomfort are so called reasons that are really excuses. The fear of conflict and making a problem worse is what I often hear. Is it true that addressing problems make them worse? Not if the communication is handled well. The lack of a conversation is typically the worst response to a problem. In the absence of communication, people create their own stories. Unfortunately, such stories don’t resemble the truth at all. You need the truth which will set you free.
Here are some tips on how to lead a difficult conversation.
First, start the conversation primarily as a listener with some good questions and open-minded curiosity. People appreciate people that sincerely listen and want to understand them. A great way to express your respect is to listen empathetically to understand another person.
Second, set some rules of the game early in the dialogue. Seek an agreement not to attack each other, but rather seek to solve problems by working together. Agree to set aside criticism and prejudice, and truly listen to understand one another. Focus on objective facts more than feelings. Mutual understanding is the foundation for solving problems.
Finally, lighten the mood and agree not to take yourselves too seriously. There are few things in life the warrant a heavy and intense context. Seek to create the best resolution for the situation and eliminate the need for blame and determining who is right and who is wrong. No one is perfect, and everyone brings some fault to the situation. The solution will be crafted from a created future vision, not from merely rehashing the past.
For difficult situations, seek a neutral third party to facilitate. Conflict resolution skills can be learned. Invest time and effort in learning how to solve problems and resolve conflicts. It will pay huge dividends.
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